With nearly 30 years of military service comes a lot of great memories, and a few stories. Here are some that bring me a smile.

EN 001 - The Dunking Machine

One Company "Wheels Up" to the Near East
The 101st Airborne Division at Fort Campbell, Kentucky, is often called upon to respond to worldwide military situations. It was April 1st when I called the brigade operations officer and said, "Al, did you get the call from Division? I have to have an engineer company 'wheels up' in 24 hours for mine clearing in the Near East." Of course (April Fools Day) Al hadn't been called by the division, and as I hung up he was verbalizing the deployment checklist. Deciding to call it off before things went too far, I called right back. Busy. Called again. Busy. The "hot line" rang on my desk: the Brigade Commander wanting to know what was happening. "Nothing," I said, "and, by the way, do you know what day it is?" Not-so-nice words came from my boss before he hung up. We soon learned that Al had called the division and stirred things up a bit. Hey, can't anyone take a joke?

Sending Water to Romania
Engineer battalions in Germany had water purification units, five per battalion. But since water in Germany was treated everywhere, and we could usually pay a modest fee to tap into a local water source, the water purification units were mostly underutilized. During an exercise, perhaps one of the five would be set up and operated. Since there was also never a need for all five to be operational at once, and since the equipment had hard-to-get parts, we always wondered if all five were really operational, as the Battalion Supply Officer reported. So ... a few days before April Fools Day, I asked my Communications Sergeant to dummy up a message from the highest headquarters in Europe, right to us with info copies to our Corps and Brigade. The subject was, "Disaster Relief in Romania" and cited the recent major earthquake there (there was no earthquake anywhere), and required our battalion to have all five operational water purification units ready for deployment from Ramstein Air Force Base in the next 24 hours. Recognizing what such a message might do to the Battalion Supply Officer, I asked the Battalion Commander in advance what he thought about my little prank. His words were, "Jay, I wouldn't do that if I were you." Well, since he didn't forbid me, the plan was launched - with predictable results as our Supply Officer and all his people immediately went into a low hover realizing what they would have to do to get all five machines ready for deployment. And before I could put an end to it, our Battalion had called our Brigade who had called the Corps. Hey, can't anyone take a joke? Yes, our section had a bit of difficulty getting supplies from the S-4 section for a while.

Borrowing Five Sheets of Plywood
I spent some time most mornings with the 370th Engineer Company in our motor pool. One morning I had noticed a pallet of plywood there, and asked First Sergeant Williams if he knew where it came from. He replied that he thought it had been returned from a construction project. That same day another First Sergeant came to us at lunch. He explained that he was desperate to get five sheets of plywood and asked if we had any. I said, sure, and started to point him toward the pallet we had in our Motor Pool when 1SG Williams politely jumped in. "Sir," he said, "I checked in that plywood and it belongs to a project." The look in his eye prompted me to let the subject go. 1SG Williams then explained to his peer that he would, however, check around to see if he could find some, and let him know. Not long after our return to the company area, I saw and heard 1SG Williams on the phone, explaining that he did find three sheets of plywood, and would be sending over some men to deliver them that afternoon. I asked, "Top, where are those three sheets of plywood coming from?" He replied, "From the pallet in the Motor Pool." Seeing the question on my face, he delivered his lesson. "You see, if you have a lot of something and give a little away, it doesn't mean anything. But if you have only a little and give it all away, it means a lot - now he owes me." And, as I was trying to assimilate this, he concluded, "... and if he asked for five sheets he only needed three anyway."

The Pig Farm
The 20th Engineer Battalion was selected to participate in REFORGER 1883. REFORGER stands for Return of Forces to Germany, something important in the Cold War days when the Russian threat was significant. The REFORGER plan was to rapidly move forces from the US to Germany on very short notice to counter any military threat there. In fact, there was a complete set of battalion equipment pre-positioned in Germany so our unit could simply hop a plane, check out the stored equipment, and move to become almost immediately operational. REFORGER exercises were conducted annually in Germany at various locations to exercise a variety of units and spread out the wear and tear on the countryside caused by large military formations running around the woods and cities. Because Germany was at peace, there were certain real and practical constraints. A military unit could not just set up anywhere it wanted without aggravating the populace. So, with peacetime considerations in mind, we made an advance trip to Germany to select our initial battalion location. Remember that numerous other units were doing the same thing, and Germany-based units had already selected some of the more desirable sites. We couldn't find anything. But on the last day of our "recon" we found a piece of woods that had a ravine leading out to a farmhouse and a very large barn. Aha, the battalion could bivouac in the woods and the battalion headquarters could operate out the barn - assuming the local farmer would agree. As we approached the farmhouse it dawned on us that this was no ordinary farm. The barn was really a place where big mama pigs were artificially inseminated to have baby pigs that would be weaned and then sold to other farmers to further grow and eventually market. Yes, there were a million flies and the odor was significant, but we thought we could deal with it, so we staked out this farm and woods as our initial location. Returning to Fort Campbell, I had to report to the Division Commander on the trip. I told him that we had found a great location for the battalion - a pig farm. As I saw his eyebrows rise, I reported that everything about the location was just fine, but that the only problem would be the smell ... but that the pigs would get used to us after a while.

Air Assault on Drop Zone Eagle
Engineers need engineer training, and air assault infantry need air assault and infantry training. And all units need combined arms training. At Fort Campbell, when we were going out as an engineer battalion, we tried in advance to identify an infantry brigade training at the same time to see if we could find some things to jointly train on, like having the infantry assaulting bunkers that we would build as part of our training. On one occasion we were going to be in the field for about a week, and so we had linked up with an infantry brigade for about two days of joint training, then each organization would go its own way for the balance of the time. For some reason, early on the fourth day I stopped by the infantry brigade Tactical Operations Center to say hi and see what they were doing. They were all busy at the time, so I just stayed in the background and tried to get a feel of what they were working on. Well, what they were doing was planning a massive air assault at night on an "enemy" company. Only the location of the "enemy" company was where one of our engineer companies was bivouacked. They were going to do a little training and give us a bit of a surprise as well. I departed without making my presence - or feelings known. Hmmmmm. Here's a question: Do you know what engineers have a lot of? The answer is barbed tape concertina - and big trucks to haul a battalion's worth of concertina out to the company that had been selected to be the brunt of the night air assault. We spent most of the day helping that company get dug in, fortified, and protected with multiple layers of some really ugly concertina. When the air assault came, they didn't find a surprised unit to be attacked, but a well-dug-in engineer force ready to repel invaders, which was the case. Not one air assault soldier penetrated the perimeter. Moral: Don't mess with engineers with barb wire.

The Duty Train to West Berlin
One of the unique features about Germany during our times there was that the Cold War was a reality, so getting to the city of Berlin meant traveling through what was East Germany. (Students of history may recall the time when East Germany and Russia closed the ground corridors through to West Berlin, and the United States response by what is now known as the Berlin Airlift.) One way to get to West Berlin was by the Duty Train. There were three routes into West Berlin by Duty Train, one from Frankfurt, one from northern Germany, and one from Southern Germany. The train was free, but to schedule the duty train required about a six-week lead time, as documents called Flag Orders had to be assembled. These were very nice pieces of paper with the US Flag in color on the top. Most of the language on the orders was in Russian.

We always took the train out of Frankfurt, which left in the evening around 4:30 p.m. and arrived the next morning in West Berlin. A military police company had responsibility for the train, and there we MPs patrolling the cars. Although there were one or two observation cars, the train was mostly Pullman sleeper cars. We learned that the key was, on boarding, to reserve one of the few seats on the observation cars, as your bunking cabin was already assigned by name.

It was permitted to carry food and beverages on the rain, including alcohol. But it was not permitted to open alcoholic beverages on the train. Of course that didn’t keep us from secretly having wine and cheese parties in our cabins as the train traveled on its way.

The train would stop a few times along the way. Certainly as it entered East Germany and again as it left East Germany and entered West Berlin. You could look out your window and see Russian guards patrolling the train – not to keep anyone from getting off, but to keep East Germans from getting on. Your Flag Orders would ultimately be returned to you with stamps in Russian on them.

In the morning the train would pull into the station in West Berlin and we would disembark for our sightseeing.

Growing Grass - The Combat Engineer Way
All First Sergeants like to have their company areas looking nice. And one aspect of that is a nice, grassy lawn. But sometimes there is so much foot traffic, that despite signs and even fences, the grass doesn't have a chance. While with the 130th Engineer Brigade, I did notice that the First Sergeants of the separate companies had a good system. Once they seeded an area, they not only fenced it but placed barbed taped concertina all through it. Anyone daring to attempt a shortcut across the seeded area would not only risk the wrath of a First sergeant, but risk being cut to pieces. When the grass was growing well and thriving in the concertina, the wire would be removed, the fence dismantled, the grass cut, and, voila, a nice grassy area.

Silver Bells
The Eagle Support Brigade at Fort Campbell consisted of non-divisional units, including the 20th Engineer Battalion. Each year the Brigade held its Christmas Ball at the club on base. One year I decided to invited the officers and wives/dates of our battalion to our quarters for a small gathering prior to going over to the club for the ball. I provided alcohol at our house. So let's see, does a lieutenant want to drink free beverages at the Braden house or pay for them at the club? Yep, you guessed right: they took lots of advantage of the free stuff. As a result they arrived at the formal affair looking very nice in their dress blue uniforms, but let's just say they were a bit loose. As part of the program, the Brigade Commander had invited in a ladies singing group, made up of many of the wives of the other officers on base. Bonnie and I had to sit at the head table, and we watched the two tables of engineers just having a grand time, talking and laughing - even when the Colonel was making his thanks and announcements. I tried to send the "keep it down" signal, but to no avail. Soon the 30 or so ladies in formals were in front and prepared to sing. Their song? Silver Bells. When the ladies began singing, one of the engineers decided to accompany them using a spoon and his water glass. So as these finely dressed ladies of ultimate decorum sang Silver Bells" we heard the engineers... "Silver bells (ding) (ding) (ding), Silver bells (ding) (ding) ding). Both tables joined in merrily. Needless to say, the Brigade Commander was less than happy, and if looks could kill, you wouldn't be reading this now.

Budget Battles
I spent lots of army time playing with budgets as a battalion commander, deputy brigade commander and brigade commander. As a battalion commander I learned that we were grossly underbudgeted which impacted upon most aspects of operations, especially maintenance, since it takes a fair amount of money to maintain low density, aged engineer equipment. As a deputy brigade commander, I had "the pleasure" of watching over the budgets of the various subordinate battalions, all of which had lots more money than I ever had yet complained about insufficient funds just as loudly. Of course we all know that it is almost a requirement to complain about funding shortfalls because if you don't someone will certainly assume that you have too much and move some of your money to grease the other squeeking wheels. One of my prouder moments, however, occurred when I was with the 7th Engineer Brigade and there was a corps-wide shortfall of funds. All the VII Corps units were called to the headquarters to defend their budgets. Most units sent their budget officers; I went for the brigade. All the other budget officers were throwing numbers at the Corps G3 until his eyes were rolling. When it was my turn, I said that his engineers needed to travel to sector periodically to visit their wartime deployment areas and review their specific target folders. I put a price on one brigade-wide iteration of this and then said that to be at readiness level 2 we needed to visit our wartime sector for training quarterly. To be at readiness level 3, three-times a year. To be at level 4, semi-annually. I said that whatever he picked was fine with us. We got all our money.

Spending the Day Planting Grass
My first mission in Viet Nam as an engineer platoon leader was to build a reinforced concrete underground operations center for III Corps. The structure was large - 90' x 120' with 22" thick walls and a 48" thick roof. It was located right in the center of the corps headquarters area in Long Bihn. While the Vietnamese countryside might have been filled with military encampments of tents, log bunkers, barbed wire, and protective minefields, the corps headquarters was characterized by concrete sidewalks, grass, flowers beds, and a number of locally hired Vietnamese workers who maintained all this to high standards. The Headquarters Commandant for the Corps was a lieutenant colonel, and he was not too pleased with a construction site right in the middle of his gardens. And I heard about it plenty. If ever things got "un-tidy" at the worksite, he was there to remind me to makes things right, no matter what else might be happening. Finally the project was completed. As I had promised him, we cleaned up the place rather nicely. As I did each day, I composed the Daily Construction Report. I could have said something like this, which would have been completely true: "Employed my 40-man engineer construction platoon and its associated 35-man Vietnamese local worker force to complete the tactical operations center including recovery of excess materials for return to the supply yard, verification of the serviceability of utilities, inventory and cleaning of tools for use in future projects, and maintenance of vehicles and equipment." Instead I wrote something like this: "Employed my 40-man engineer construction platoon and its associated 35-man Vietnamese local worker force to plant grass, build sidewalks, trim hedges, and straighten flower beds." The report was turned in to my company where the clerk typed it up. It went forward to battalion where it was combined with other construction reports, then to our Group Headquarters for similar processing. Guess what? The first person who read the report was the two-star general that headed the 20th Engineer Brigade, and word was that he wasn't pleased to read about 75 men planting grass in a war zone. I'm lucky that everyone finally got a sense of humor about the whole thing.

Evaluating an Engineer Battalion
One of my tasks while at Fort Campbell was to join a contingent of 101st commanders to evaluate a National Guard division. My job was to evaluate the divisional engineer battalion. After making the trip to Fort Drum via C-130 (a bit long and bumpy) I traveled out in the training area to meet my counterpart. The battalion had arrived not too long before and was still getting set up, but the battalion commander has his tent and area arranged. (He told me that this was where he always set up his tent at Fort Drum.) After introductions, he got down to his point, and asked me a question like, "Okay, what are you looking for this year?" Taken aback I responded that there wasn't anything I was looking for. He had a critical mission list that he had made for his unit so I was going to see just how well the unit could do on the tasks on his list. Gruffly he informed me that the last evaluator had insisted on making his unit dig in using by-the-books fighting positions (by the way, something we did all the time at Fort Campbell), and that effort had kept his unit from getting anything done during the two-week summer camp. I said that I understood his point, and that if he could just demonstrate a few correct fighting positions in each company area, that would be satisfactory evidence that they could do it. Evidently I passed first muster, because he then opened his cooler that was full of hard liquor (good quality stuff I might add) and he offered me a drink. At Fort Campbell, a battalion commander found with a beer in the field would be looking for a new job that same day, but I accepted his hospitality as in ".... when in Rome ..."     (For the record, I checked back with his headquarters company once a day for the next twelve days to inspect for one standard machine gun emplacement, and I briefed him each day that what I saw was unsatisfactory. Ultimately he got the lowest possible rating - a "5" - for the area crew-served weapons.)

I found one of his headquarters operation tents with the latest Engineer Magazine open to an article on how to set up a tactical operations center to manage battalion activities while in a fast changing field environment. Not sure of their reaction when I pointed out the article and observed that I was the author.

One of the line companies came prepared for the field. It brought out a "civilian" clothes washer and dryer, and had them operational right within the company area. Also a commercial water heater. While everyone else was getting dirty and nasty for two weeks, this company found a way to keep its soldiers clean. The company also brought out and installed a commercial popcorn popper, for night snacks. And the company also hooked up a three way commercial intercom between its mess area, operations area, and maintenance area; and did the internal coordination for these areas right over this system. Worked just fine - the heck with military phones. The company commander also bought a private phone line and had WD-1 military phone wire run from its location just off the base into his base camp. His soldiers were able to call home (collect) right from their bivouac area. And, by the way, this company was very good in its military operations.

Finding Drivers for the Battalion Commander
A Battalion Commander needs a sharp driver. That's a given. The battalion's Command Sergeant Major is the person who picks out the driver and ensures that his is sharp. There are no shortage of volunteers in a combat engineer battalion, because driving a jeep beats the heck out of riding around in a truck or APC and sleeping in the woods. But the job does require one thing: you have to be able to drive, and operate a manual transmission. Oh yes, the volunteers will all say they can drive a stick. Well one day at Fort Campbell I was out with my new driver on an exercise. We had to drive off the paved road and down a steep embankment to where an engineer squad was doing some bridge demolitions training by the creek that ran under the bridge. While I checking to make sure the training was going well, it became apparent that this squad of soldiers was the former "home" of my newest driver, and they were giving him some trouble about the new soft job he had, and I suspect he was giving them trouble about how important he had become - friendly banter. Then it became time to depart. The task was to drive back up the embankment, pause so we could see that the road was clear, and then pull back onto the paved roadway. The first trip up the hill, my driver was unable to work the clutch and the gas correctly and we rolled right back down to the point that I thought we'd end up in the creek. Oh, boy, his buddies saw what happened and they were hooting and jeering. The next trip up the hill there was the same problem, and we again rolled backwards down the hill, and this time we were able to stop before we ran over any soldiers, because they were all on the ground from laughing. The third trip up the hill was a bit different. When we got to the point where we paused on the incline and the driver was going for his third try at letting off the clutch while giving it gas, I reached over and pulled the manual throttle, revving the engine to a jillion RPM so we just shot onto the road like a rocket. Good thing there was no traffic or this story would not be told.

Pre-Chambered Road Craters
Can you believe there was a time when there was an East Germany and a West Germany, and the border between the two - on the East Germany side - had barbed wires, minefields, and guard towers? Can you believe that during this time American military commanders would gather near this border to discuss in detail how they would defend against an attack from combined East German and Soviet armed forces? Can you believe that some of the roads on the West German side of the border area - in places where the roads cut through otherwise very rugged terrain - had pre-constructed chambers sunk down in them so that when these chambers were loaded with explosives and the explosives detonated, the resulting crater would make the terrain impassible? Can you believe that the ammunition for these pre-chambered road craters (think of them as concrete-lined man holes going down 20-25 feet but with a special manhole cover that could only be removed with a special tool) was stored in concrete bunkers located nearby in the West German countryside? well, believe it all. And we practiced opening the bunkers, moving the ammunition to the site, lowering the charges in to holes, and wiring them for detonation. I'll bet the pre-chambers are still in place today - look in the former border area on certain roads for a series of three "manholes" spread about 20 meters apart. By the way, despite each bunker holding five tons of explosives, the German government never lost an ounce to terrorists or other evil doers.

The Soviet Military Liaison Mission - SMLM
The Military Liaison Missions in Europe were a holdover from the Second World War, when the Allies assigned representatives to work with each other in Germany’s various zones of occupation as Hitler’s minions disarmed. These special liaison units did not disband with the onset of the Cold War. Instead, they were given something of a carte blanche to roam around the countryside and observe military activity. The Americans, British, and French had soldiers assigned to East Germany, and the Soviets had teams tasked to West Germany. This awkward arrangement remained in place because both sides found it a useful way of collecting information on the opposition’s troop movements and military hardware. The Soviet Military Liaison Mission (SMLM) was based in Frankfurt. When you see the acronym SMLM, think "Smell 'em" because that's the way we pronounced it. US soldiers carried a SMLM card in their wallet with directions on how to report SMLM vehicles or personnel. While SMLM teams were generally free to roam West Germany, they were banned from US training areas. US forces were advised to detain any SMLM teams found in places they should not be. Detain meant block them in with your vehicles; physical contact with the Soviets was forbidden. During our training exercises, our S2 (Intelligence) section normally checked out soldiers on their understanding of their duties if/when they saw a SMLM team. I asked how they did this. The response was that they asked questions to the soldiers, who had to answer correctly. Hmmmm. Being of the opinion that training ought to be realistic, we made some changes. We had a Department of the Army Civilian who helped the brigade arrange for training areas in the German countryside. He spoke German and a bit of Czech. We took the brigade's light blue military sedan and put a training license plate on it that had the SMLM designation. We got a Soviet uniform from the training aids people, and as part of our training exercises, our "Soviet" drove into the middle of the troops' bivouac area. When the soldiers tried to detain him, he berated them in Czech and drove away. And the soldiers would rush to move their vehicles to block him in, and he would avoid their roadblocks, screaming Czech all the time. When they would finally get his vehicle blocked in he would yell at them in broken English and Czech. Oh, yes, it was good training. I'm told that when we did this once in the Friedberg Training Area there was a signal battalion there from the 3rd Armored Division doing some training there and they lit up the SMLM reporting switchboard, thinking that they had a real sighting.

Letter of Condemnation
The 370th Engineer Company had a medic, Larry Walther, who was a great soldier, but not working in his military specialty as we had no medic on our Table of Authorizations. Specialist Walther would be better off assigned to the local dispensary, and - in fact - I have let him serve there whenever possible. They liked his work, and arrangements were initiated to transfer him there. He came to me and said he needed a Letter of Recommendation, more of a formality, but required nonetheless. I agreed and had a letter prepared. Only instead of being a Letter of Recommendation, it was a Letter of Condemnation. And it read accordingly, with all kinds of bad things in it. I told Walther that the letter was ready; he picked it up from my office with great thinks; and he delivered it forthwith to the head of the dispensary - who read it, and asked him if he had read it. I'm told I missed seeing a very red face, and we all had a good laugh.

Marching the Battalion to a Day of Combat-in-Cities Training
While at Fort Campbell, Kentucky with the 20th Engineer Battalion, we decided to combine two training events into a memorable day. The base had a "Combat-in-Cities" training area about ten miles out from the barracks areas so we decided to do a road march - by foot - out to the area where we had some training specialists waiting to deliver some interesting and valuable training. Heck, ten miles was almost a no-brainer - we had battalion runs three days a week of four miles. At any rate, the morning started out very well; it had rained the day before but we had clear skies, and cool temperatures ... good because we all had combat packs and weapons, about 30-40 pounds worth of gear. It was fairly impressive to see more than 400 soldiers trekking through the encampment, and we were all in good spirits. After about three miles we were clear of the main base and into the training area. To get to the Combat-in-Cities site we marched the trails rather than along the paved roads. Unfortunately, the rain from the previous day had left the trails wet, and the gooey red mud of Tennessee clung to our boots and made sucking sounds with each step. The effect was like adding 30 pounds of weight and another 10 miles to the march. I thought my driver, walking along side me, would pass out from exhaustion. We arrived at the Combat-in-Cities area very much worn out, and all the great training we had planned for there was mostly in the toilet as the soldiers were too exhausted to learn anything.

Suchon Road Bridge - Good Training
Training exercises at Fort Campbell, Kentucky could be pretty realistic. On one such exercise, the maneuver force we were supporting attacked the first week and seized a key fording site on a river passing through the training area. Knowing that our forces would have to defend that site later in the week, I ordered the river dammed to make the water depth at the site too deep for fording. Unfortunately, this happened to cut off the water source to nearby Clarksville, Tennessee, so the Division Commander suggested I return the creek to its natural state, with kudos, however, on a good plan. In the same exercise, during the defensive stage, I received an urgent message from one of my lieutenants. The opposing forces were about to break through in the south unless we could stop them from crossing the Suchon Road Bridge. He asked, "Can I blow it?" I replied, "Will you fix after the exercise is over?" He said yes and got my permission. He wired the bridge for detonation and set the time fuse. Over the hill came four motorcycle scouts from the opposing forces, intent on capturing the bridge. Our engineers tried to wave them off for safety sake, but they came on anyway. I was told explosion knocked all four off their bikes - good training. And as to the bridge, well it was in the training area, but it was also one on one of the main roads leading into the base. Lieutenant Torelli blew out an abutment, and not a span, so he needed a pile driver to reset the abutment and we didn't have a pile driver on base. It took six months to get that road back ready for traffic, but I never heard one thing about it - the 101st Airborne Division appreciated realistic training.

Assaulting Wire Obstacles with Bangalore Torpedos - More Good Training
The best training is combined arms training. For that reason we arranged for one of our 20th Engineer Battalion combat engineer companies to be in support of one of the 101st Airborne Division brigades every time a brigade was in prime time training. One good scenario was for our engineers to build bunkers protected by wire obstacles and then support an infantry force to breach the wire and destroy the bunker complex. Breaching wire obstacles can be accomplished using bangalore torpedos. Here's a definition: "A Bangalore torpedo is an explosive charge placed on the end of a long, extendible tube. It is used by combat engineers to clear obstacles that would otherwise require them to approach directly, possibly under fire. It has been estimated that the modern Bangalore torpedo is effective for clearing a path through wire and mines up to 15 meters long and 1 meter wide." Well, the way the bangalore cuts wire is by exploding into thousands of metal shards that slice through the barbed wire. Of course the shrapnel isn't picky, it will slice through anything it comes in contact with. For that reason, in peacetime training once a bangalore is slipped under the wire, it is ignited by time fuse so that everyone can get back a safe distance. A safe distance for a bangalore torpedo explosion is something like more than a football field, and then you should be behind some type of protection. So one day one of my company commanders comes back from training with the infantry, in a scenario just as I described above. Only when our company commander had explained to the infantry types about the "safe distance rule" they just scoffed. "Don't worry," they told him. "Everyone will be hugging the ground." All I can say is that I'm glad I heard about it after-the-fact. The idea of all those soldiers being exposed to such danger and the possibility of something really bad happening is too much to think about. But the 101st loved it - good training!

Air Assault School at Age 38
Soldiers assigned to the 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault) are expected to attend Air Assault School, known - at Fort Campbell anyway - as the toughest 10 days in the Army. As a battalion commander at Fort Campbell, I needed to go to AAS, even at age 38. Not wanting to fail - the washout rate was high - I tried to get some insight into the make-or-break aspects of the school. Most wash-outs occurred on Day One, a day of much yelling by the Air Assault School cadre, with numerous candidate push-ups for infractions of any kind. Strategy: maintain a low profile and do what you are told. The day also included running the Obstacle Course, followed by a two-mile run. The Obstacle course consisted of about 15 log structures involving climbing, jumping, and balancing. The most intimidating obstacle was called the Weaver. It was like overhead bars except the bars were 6" diameter logs placed three feet apart. The object is to pass over and under the 14-or-so bars without falling off or touching the ground. The strategy for the Obstacle Course was to go over and practice in advance. We learned that lots of soldiers fail at the Weaver, mainly because they relied too much on arm strength. In practicing on the Weaver, we learned that it is much more a matter of technique; using your legs for leverage is 90% of the way toward success. A final two-mile run should be simple, because we normally ran four miles three times a week. The strategy for the two-mile run: don't be so worn out on the Obstacle Course that you don't have anything left. We also learned that the way to have something "left" for the run was to get on the Obstacle Course early, so you could take a breather between the two events while other soldiers were finishing up the Obstacle course. On Day One, the yelling and verbal harassment and pushups was pretty much as expected. I maintained a low profile and was fortunate that the cadre became occupied with a few other candidates who managed to get their attention. Eventually we were lined up in a large formation near the Obstacle Course for more yelling and pushups. But the time came when the AAS cadre called for us to form up on the first obstacle. I ran as fast as I possibly could to get near the head of the line, as soldiers waiting to go on the course got to keep themselves occupied by running in place and singing Jodie chants. I needed my breathe for the course. The first obstacle was a high ladder, with log rungs about four feet apart. About a third of the way up there was a problem; I was almost swamped by a wave of young soldiers scrambling up the ladder and over me. I yelled with all my might, "You young guys need to me some space or you'll knock me off this thing!!" They looked up and said, "Oh, sorry," and gave me room. I finished the course without incident, got to rest maybe 15 minutes while others were finishing the course, and made the two-mile run. Nine more days, numerous pushups, many quizzes on rigging and procedures, and a 10-mile timed road march and it was all over. Air Assault!

Engineer Ball Activities
Most of the engineer units I served with had an annual Engineer Ball. Generally a good time. (Read about Hermie the Duck in the 130th Engineer Brigade section and read about Silver Bells in the 20th Engineer Battalion section). A ball includes officers in their dress blues and spouses in formal attire, music, a reception line, a guest speaker with hopefully not too boring a message, pictures, a nice meal, hopefully some decent entertainment, and an evening of dancing and fun. Entertainment was always a challenge, but we had a couple of things that normally were very well-received. In general, a slide show was always nice, provided you had the forethought to be taking pictures throughout the year. We used slide projectors with a dissolve unit and a show timed to music such as Lee Greenwald's Proud to be an American. (Today it's probably data projectors and Power Point or even more sophisticated video presentations.) Another favorite was a skit performed while singing the Engineer Song. (A quick Internet search will reveal its chorus and many verses.) We had about ten verses suitable for public presentation, and we would assign one or two of these verses to be acted out by each unit. For example Company D might have to act out the fifth and ninth verses. So imagine a battalion of officers in their dress blues at the front of the room singing the engineer song, with a "changing station" directly behind them that is mostly out of public view. As a verse was about to be sung, the unit responsible for acting out that verse would slip out of the chorus and go to the back where they would use the outfits and props they brought to act out their particular verse. At the conclusion of the chorus and just as their verse was to be sung, they would appear out front of the chorus and act. Invariably, the timing would be off, or the props would fail, or the costumes wouldn't be fully worn and the result was hilarious.

121 Hours Planning the River Crossing
River crossing operations are highly complex, and involve combined arms and services working together to get forces from one side of the river to the other. Engineers are involved with the actual crossing, either by bridging or rafting. As our battalion in Europe was preparing for its annual field evaluation, we knew that the exercise would include planning for and executing a river crossing. My assistant operations officer came to me three weeks before the exercise and claimed to know the date, time, and place we would be tasked to accomplish this mission. He asked if he could plan for it in advance, and I said okay. Times flies and we were soon being put to the test. Since the rigors of war are hard to replicate in peacetime, a good alternative is to apply a lot of work and stress, and the higher headquarters running our evaluation did just that - they ran us all over the countryside, day and night for four straight days. On the fifth day, we got the mission we had been expecting: the task to plan and execute a river crossing. My assistant had hit it right on the nose in terms of date, time, and place. Only one problem, however. After four days of non-stop operations, my assistant had collapsed into an exhaustion-based sleep. I could not get him up to assemble what he had spent three weeks in developing, and the plans could not be found. So our battalion executed a river crossing operation with 121 hours of planning having gone into it: the 120 from before the exercise, and the one hour that I used to throw it all together when I couldn't wake up my assistant or find his plans.

Wartime Lobster
This is a story I didn't tell Bonnie, but she found out about it, so here it is now for everyone. When US Forces first deployed to Saudi Arabia for Operation Desert Shield (later to become Operation Desert storm), there were no arrangements initially in place for billeting or feeding. For example, the CENTCOM Engineer Section was able to find billets in Riyadh only by staying at a US Army Corps of Engineers compound where the Corps was gracious enough to let us billet while more permanent arrangements were being made. For food we were given meal tickets that could be used at the Sheridan Hotel, right across the street from the Saudi Army Headquarters where the CENTCOM staff conducted its operations. Well, Wednesday night was Lobster Night at the Sheridan, and it turned out that our meal ticket was good for lobster night. So there we were in what was to become a war zone for all-you-can-eat lobster ... something DEFINITELY not something to write home about - but guess one of the crew must have blabbed to his wife because I ultimately caught the devil for having such a rough life. (By the way, the Sheridan soon caught on to our great deal and severely rationed the lobster from then forth.

POW Camps for Iraqi Prisoners
In the days leading up to Desert Storm, it became apparent that US forces would likely capture a l..a..r..g..e number of Iraqi soldiers, and that we would need to provide for this contingency. So a Military Police Brigade was activated from the reserves - a brigade that had the mission of operating POW camps. Of course the nature and size of this mission was something that the US military had not experienced since WWII, and - as a matter of fact - most of the documentation on how to handle and process POWs came from this era. Since POW camps would be something that the International Red Cross would inspect, there was a fair amount of attention to doing things right. So all of this occasioned a number of meetings between the US Army MP Brigade, the Army warfighting headquarters ARCENT, and their respective Saudi counterparts. First question: How many POWs might we have? We didn't know, but thought the number might be as high as 200,000. However, for planning, we started with 100,000. No problem said the MPs as they pulled out their manuals. "For that many POWs we'll need 27 miles worth of barbed wire to construct the camps." While we were there with our mouths open, they continued with the requirements according to their manuals. "... and each POW will need at least one change of clothes so we'll need 200,000 orange jumpsuits, 100,000 slippers, 100,000 sets of bedding, and 100,000 sets of NBC masks and protective gear (Hey, the IRC requires that we protect captured combatants)." The camp would also need lights on the perimeter so there were umpty thousand lights and wiring and generators to power it all. And then there is daily food and water for 100,000 prisoners and the kitchen equipment to prepare and serve it. "And, by the way, we're going to expect some type of recreational equipment like soccer balls because the IRC will want to see that we are giving the POWs the opportunity to exercise." And then there was the issue of sanitation, as in "we'll need enough porta potties to serve 100,000, and since their culture is such that they are very modest people, you will have to find some options other than gang showers and toilets." It was interesting to attend these meetings and watch as the MPs would bring in more requirements every time, and we would all sit in silence watching the Saudi's reaction.